Deconstructing “Deconstruction"

“I’m an ex evangelical, sorry bout the pain I caused Bigotry, misogyny all of these in the name of God A painful loss of faith I thought would make me lost But maybe not Maybe putting on something better begins with taking off.”

This was the first song that I wrote as a truly deconstructed christian. I originally released it in 2018 as single and was planning on releasing it on “Fine China” but the version of FC that I was working on at the time got fully scrapped and this song is all that remains. This song touches on both the deconstruction of my faith, and the desperate need to deconstruct our political and religious institutions.

The process of deconstructing my faith has been bloody and painful. Still is. I built my entire life around a set of beliefs that I now see as evil and hurtful. Having to come to terms with that has not been easy. As a result I now carry a lot of guilt with me daily. Not only for what my race has done to people of color but also for what my religion of 20+ years has done to women and LGBTQ people. Religious based racism, sexism and bigotry are accepted and taught as holy doctrine within churches around the country as long as they are shrouded in scripture. The bible teaches that if you are gay than you are an abomination to god, and if you are a woman then your only lot in life is to remain silent and gentle and to serve your husband and kids. In all reality those very notions are the actual abominations.

I spent years as a “liberal christian” trying to do theological gymnastics in attempts to try and explain away these things. Saying that they were actually just misinterpretations of scripture. When in all honesty they are not. The bible is a collection of archaic words written in ancient times by humans who had twisted ideas about how other humans should be. Period. Is there wisdom to be gained by reading scripture? Sure. Do I believe that god itself wrote the words on the pages through the prophets and has managed to somehow magically preserve them over thousands of years? Naw. And if that is the case then I don’t want anything to do with that god.

Hatred is still hatred no matter how many universes you have created. I am more happy now than I ever was when I was dedicated to hanging on to such outdated ideas. I am now truly free to find God in everything and everyone and no longer have to pretend that I am okay with religious discrimination all because the big bad sky daddy said it was the way to do things in his magic book.

I know it’s scary but if you are having questions about your faith and would like to talk with me I’m available. I’m no sage or anything like that, I’m just a human who has been deconstructing his faith for a while now and maybe we can help each other out some.

You are not alone. Message me.

Peace.